Parenting is the greatest/hardest thing you will ever do!
They are God’s gift to you to raise up the next godly generation
We learned last week about the fire of Praise, and the journey of knowing when to apply or withhold
Proverbs 27:21 Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised. NLT
Praise: to boast, brag, or give strong approval.
Think about it, every time we praise someone, we place them in the fire.
This week we want to learn ways to work through this process and bring about the next godly generation!
There are a few statements that I repeated to myself.
Rules without relationships lead to rebellion
Say yes when you can, because you are going to have to say no a lot!
You must be the influencer, because someone else will!
Children don’t need perfect parents; they need present, authentic ones
1. Relationship Is the Foundation
Rules without relationships lead to rebellion
Rom 7:14-16 14 So the trouble is not with the law (rules), for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate. (reb) NLT Rules: to move in a straight line" and by extension, "to lead, govern, or direct"
A "rule" isn't a restriction; it is a guardrail intended to keep my interactions straight and appropriate!
Relation/ship: to bring back, restore, or recount a state or condition
To "relate" was to bring back a report or recount a story.
Deut 6:7-8 7 Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. NLT
“Rules with relationship lead to intimacy (in-to-me-see), respect, and connection”
Intimacy: It refers to the deepest, most personal, or internal, aspects of feelings or relationships, essentially signifying "within".
This is what children/adults want, they want to know they are being seen and heard!
Rules and Relationships: Meaningful recounting/relating provides the framework in which rules are understood, accepted, and even cherished.
Before you correct behavior, connect the heart.
Your children won’t remember every rule you set—but they will remember how safe they felt, how loved they were, and whether faith was real at home.
Time Is the Key to building lasting loving relationships
What gets your time gets your child’s interpretation of your love.
Matt 6:21 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. NLT
1. Availability (T-I-M-E)
Give them "face time": Use eye-to-eye conversation throughout the day—when they wake up, come home, and go to bed.
Prioritize one-on-one time: Regularly schedule distraction-free activities that matter to them, like a walk, reading together, or a "dad/mom date".
Be reachable: Show them they are more important than your phone, hobbies, or work by being emotionally and physically present when they need you.
2. Acceptance (Security)
Love without performance: Explicitly tell them, "I love you because you’re my child, not because of your grades/sports/behavior".
Be a sanctuary: Ensure they feel secure enough to express fears or ask hard questions without facing immediate judgment.
3. Appreciation (Significance)
"Catch" them doing good: Actively look for positive behaviors and express gratitude for their effort, not just the final result.
Use the "wink" method: Small gestures like a wink across the table, a thumbs up, or a knuckle bust.
4. Affection (Lovability)
Appropriate physical touch: Give "big hugs," high-fives, or wrestling on the floor to communicate they are lovable.
Speak their "Love Language": Use nicknames and verbal affirmations to reinforce their identity.
5. Accountability (Responsibility)
Clear boundaries: Establish guardrails (rules) that keep them safe and provide a framework for self-control.
Fair consequences: When rules are broken, allow them to experience natural or logical consequences so they learn the link between actions and outcomes.
6. Authority (Leadership)
Lead with love, not power: Exercise authority to protect and guide them, rather than to control or provoke them.
Model the behavior: Be a role model; never do in front of them what you wouldn't want them to mimic.
Closing: The Hero’s Heart
"Parenting is not a game of perfection; it is a journey of partnership with God. Today I tried to help you understand that rules without relationship lead to rebellion, but when we build a foundation of Availability, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, Accountability, and Authority, we give our children more than just boundaries—we give them a sanctuary.
Remember, you are not just managing behavior; you are modeling the Gospel. Every time you choose to be present, every time you offer unconditional love, and every time you lead with a servant’s heart, you are showing them who God is.
Your children are always watching. They don't need you to be a superhero who never fails; they need you to be a faithful guide who points them to the Cross. As you go home this week, don’t aim to be the 'perfect' parent—aim to be the present one. May your home be a place where faith is real, love is loud, and grace is the final word.
Prov 22:6 6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. NKJV
Go be the hero your children already think you are
