The Crazy Cycle:
Battle of the Sexes!

Gen 1:26-28
26 Then God said, "Let us make human beings in our image, to be like ourselves. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground." 27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground." NLT

• God’s first assignment and mandate for man and woman was to govern God’s new creation and Be fruitful and multiply (Kingdom assignment) 

Dominion: to rule, to have authority, to keep in order under kingly rule!

• The NLT properly interprets the word dominion as to “Govern and Reign Over”

Gen 2:15-19
15 The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 16 But the Lord God warned him, "You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden —17 except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die." 18 Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."  NLT

Helper: one who compliments; It refers to aid or assistance

• God’s plan for man and woman was to find their fulfillment in the shared responsibility of governing the earth’s new creation. 

As a result of the fall and loss of dominion over the earth, the struggle for dominance would begin between mankind!

Gen 3:16
16 Then he said to the woman, "I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." NLT

• An interesting note about the word “desire”

Gen 4:6-7
6 "Why are you so angry?" the Lord asked Cain. "Why do you look so dejected? 7 You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door (desire), eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master." NLT

• Each would desire to rule and control each other, creating the BATTLE OF THE SEXES. 
• The Crazy Cycle would begin!

What is the Crazy Cycle?

Eph 5:31-33
31 As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. NLT

• The Crazy Cycle continues when one partner’s need is unmet, triggering a defensive reaction, withholding from the other:
  • Without Love, she reacts Without Respect.  (image)
  • Without Respect, he reacts Without Love.

While both spouses need love and respect, research shows that during conflict, women typically have a primary felt need for love, while men have a primary felt need for respect.

Research conducted with over 7,000 people found that in times of conflict:

• 83% of men reported feeling disrespected.
• 72% of women reported feeling unloved

What does the scripture teach about our roles?

Eph 5:18-33
18 Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. 19 Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. 20 Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.  21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 
22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 
25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church — a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor — since they're already "one" in marriage.  29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That's how Christ treats us, the church, 30 since we are part of his body. 31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don't pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church.
 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.  (The message)

What does love look like?

1 Cor 13:4-7
4 Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, 5 never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. 6 It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. 7 If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. TLB

Patience as Strength Under Control: A loving man is "patient" meaning he is slow to anger even when others fail him. He allows his wife and children room to grow and make mistakes without facing harsh retaliation or pressure.
Kindness as Usefulness: In the original Greek, "kind" implies being "useful" or "helpful". A kind man proactively looks for ways to serve his family’s needs—physically and emotionally—without being asked or expecting repayment.

Humility in Leadership: Love is the opposite of pride. A man who leads well does not compete with his wife or put her down to make himself look "superior". He is humble enough to admit mistakes and seek forgiveness.
Selfless Initiative: Verse 5 states love "it isn’t haughty, selfish or rude". This challenges the "bossy" husband archetype; instead, he prioritizes his wife’s flourishing over his own comfort or rights.
The Guard of the Home: Verse 7 says love "loyal no matter the cost" and "always stands its ground". For a man, this means being the spiritual and emotional defender of his family’s reputation and well-being, even at great personal cost.

What does Honoring your husband look like?

Speak with Kindness: Use a gentle tone and avoid words that belittle or tear him down, especially during disagreements.

Public and Private Praise: Speak highly of him to others (including your children) and express gratitude to his face for his hard work and character.

Listen Attentively: Give him your full, undivided attention when he speaks, making eye contact and refraining from interrupting.

Support His Leadership: Seek his counsel on major decisions and show trust in his judgment, even when you have different opinions.

Prioritize Intimacy: Respond enthusiastically to his needs for physical affection and intimacy, which often reinforces his self-confidence and sense of being valued.

Small Acts of Service: Honor his preferences by doing things like preparing his favorite meal, keeping the house tidy, or running errands for him.

Pray for Him: Regularly take your concerns and his needs to God in prayer, which often helps shift your own perspective toward him.

Breaking the Cycle: Back to the first Kingdom Mandate! 

Matt 6:33
 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. NLT

Breaking this cycle requires a "First Mover" who shifts their focus from their spouse's performance to the Kingdom of God, seeking internal order and fulfillment in Christ rather than placing the burden of your happiness on their partner. 

Seek: seeking in order to find out by thinking, meditating, reasoning
Kingdom: realm, i.e., a people in a territory under kingly rule

• The Spirit filled life: Word and the Spirit that teach us all things! 

• Seeking from your mate that which only God can provide is placing a load on them that they cannot carry!

Breaking the cycle requires one person to act unconditionally, providing what the spouse needs even if they haven't "earned" it yet. This requires a Spirit Filled Life