Last week we focused on goal of marriage:
Mal 2:13-16
13 And here's a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don't get what you want from God. 14 Do you know why? Simple. Because God was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you've broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. 15 God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that's what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don't cheat on your spouse. (The Message)
We learned that it was designed not just for companionship or moral stability, but to raise godly children.
We emphasized the difference between good children and godly children.
The Problem with Focusing Only on “Good”
- Focusing on good rather than godly creates unrealistic societal standards for kids; causing them to focus on success, beauty, and societal behavior.
- Good Children often live under intense pressure to perform, which increases the risk of anxiety, stress, and depression.
- A person can become an approval-addict because of lack of godly VALADATION!
As a result: social media plays a major role in fueling validation addiction. The constant feedback loop of likes, shares and comments can trigger dopamine spikes in the brain, reinforcing a dependency on digital affirmation. Over time, people may find themselves creating content not based on authenticity but based on what will gain approval from others.
What Is a Godly Child?
- A godly child will be a “good child,” but with a deeper, divine purpose.
- Living with divine purpose helps children align their internal gifts and passions with God’s journey for their lives.
- They will learn to take the good with bad in stride!
- They will learn that God can take the bad and turn it for good!
- They will learn that there will always be Goliaths in the ways!
Today’s Focus: The Danger of Raising Approval-Addicts
In our fast-paced lifestyles, many parents have replaced relationship with:
- Excessive affirmation, Gifts
- Some adults were raised the same way and find themselves easily depressed and even anxious!
- This has unintentionally produced approval-addicts.
Scripture teaches that God deals with this in two main ways:
Proverbs 17:3
Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart. NLT
Proverbs 27:21
Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised. NLT
Praise: to boast, brag, or give strong approval.
- Think about it, every time we praise someone, we place them in the fire.
- Learning how to rightfully deal with approval or the lack there of, is the test!
- If we are going to place our children in the fire, we must be ready to deal with what sooner or later comes to the top!
- We all have the same amount of time, use it wisely or you will pay for it later!
What Fire Does
Illustration: A silversmith heats silver until impurities rise. If the fire is too hot, the silver (Child) is destroyed. If it’s too cool, the impurities remain.
- In the same way, praise reveals what is happening in the heart and sometimes it’s not pretty.
- The refiner knows exactly how long to leave the silver in the fire because of experieince. (relationship)
The Point: Praise is fire; Wise parents know when to apply it and when to withhold it.
How Overpraising Creates Approval Addiction
- When children do not receive the approval they crave (their “dopamine fix”):
- They may experience physical and psychological distress.
- Many times, this leads to medical miss diagnosis
- They often use defense mechanisms, such as blaming others, to avoid responsibility and shield themselves from fear of failure.
The Dangers of Overpraising
1. Praise Addiction
- Children become dependent on external validation instead of developing internal Christ-like worth.
- Authentic motivation is lost; effort becomes about approval, not the journey.
2. Fear of Failure & Risk Avoidance
Fixed Mindset: Praising traits like you are “smart” or “talented” makes failure feel like an identity loss.
Performance Anxiety: Children feel pressure to live up to unrealistic expectations.
3. Personality Challenges
Correction Resistance: Constantly praised children struggle with feedback and humility.
4. Loss of Credibility
- Children recognize insincere praise.
- Overpraising mediocre effort can cause children to distrust adult judgment or feel trapped by false expectations.
Conclusion: Being a parent is a big deal; it is the greatest/hard job you will ever do!
Next week we will learn ways to work through our addiction and help our children as well!
