My Church My Family: The Risk and Reward of Family
Last week:
The Church is God’s idea
Family or Army (We are not militant in that we go out to fight for victory)
Families are messy
Within our church family, we are to “Make allowances for People”
The one thing we all long for, even what we were created for, is the one thing that we know the least about, relationships!
The Risks and Rewards of Family
God's design for the local church is a spiritual family. Like any family, it brings joy, belonging, and spiritual growth, but because it involves imperfect people, it also carries the potential for deep pain and offense.
Any relationship must be built on intentional biblical wisdom, not emotional impulses.
2 Tim 1:7-9 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.8 So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don't be ashamed of me, either, even though I'm in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News. NLT
In 1st Timothy, the church is growing, and Paul gives instructions on how to put things in order.
In 2nd Timothy, the church leaders have abandoned him, his mentor, in prison!
2 Tim 2:1-2 2 Timothy, my dear son, be strong through the grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus. 2 You have heard me teach things that have been confirmed by many reliable witnesses. Now teach these truths to other trustworthy people who will be able to pass them on to others. NLT
1. The Paradox of Relationships
The greatest sources of pleasure in life also hold the potential for the deepest pain.
This is most evident in our relationships.
You can trace most traumatic experiences back to an unbiblical relationship
Lack of parental involvement, abuse, divorce, etc.
Attachment Disorders: Difficulty forming secure, trusting relationships. Chronic Anxiety: Persistent states of fear, hypervigilance, and emotional instability. Low Self-Esteem: Deep-seated feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or self-blame for family issues.
Relational pain is rarely caused by friendships themselves; it is caused by pursuing relationships through the Lens of hurt and apart from God's design.
The Hurt Lens: Projecting past rejection onto new friends.
Many repeat the same toxic relationship cycles because their mindset hasn’t changed
What’s the common denominator in all of our broken relationships?
Unrealistic Expectations (control): Demanding a person fill a spiritual void.
Because of the fear of pain and rejection, our culture has withdrawn from deep commitments and lives in the fancy world of social media!
Digital connection provides the illusion of intimacy without the vulnerability, accountability, and risk of rejection required by real-world commitments.
They isolate themselves even in a crowd
Allow the scripture, or Godly leaders, to help you Identify Your Relational Lenses
Break Toxic Cycles: Acknowledge past trauma instead of operating out of "hurt". Intentionally break repetitive cycles by submitting your relationship standards to God's design rather than just reacting to past pain.
The Law of Influence (birds of a feather walk together)
People with similar characters, values, or beliefs naturally travel the same path in life.
This can be good or bad!
Amos 3:3 3 Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction? NLT
Prov 13:20 20 Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble. NLT
1 Cor 15:32-34 33 Don't be fooled by those who say such things, for "bad company corrupts (Alters) good character." NLT
Those you hang around shapes your character more than your teachers or your pastors do.
Examine Your Inner Circle: Take an honest look at those you are closest to, because you naturally inherit their spiritual attitudes and behaviors. Surround yourself with wise companions who walk in peace and contentment.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Be cautious in friendship. Be willing to establish boundaries to protect your character, recognizing that peer pressure impacts adults as strongly as children.
2. The Discipline of Caution
True caution is not a symptom of fear; it is a manifestation of godly wisdom.
1 Tim 5:24-25 24 Remember, the sins of some people are obvious, leading them to certain judgment. But there are others whose sins will not be revealed until later. 25 In the same way, the good deeds of some people are obvious. And the good deeds done in secret will someday come to light. NLT
We naturally seek out people who flatter us and validate our offenses.
Prov 29:5 To flatter friends is to lay a trap for their feet. NLT
A real biblical friend will challenge your sinful attitudes and push you toward truth, rather than just telling you what your itching ears want to hear.
Building Healthy Relationships
I think we all need to acknowledge that we have gaps in our lives because of past relationships
Luke 6:39-43 Then Jesus gave the following illustration: "Can one blind person lead another? Won't they both fall into a ditch? 40 Students are not greater than their teacher. But the student who is fully trained will become like the teacher. 41 "And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? 42 How can you think of saying, 'Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First, get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. NLT
1. Be obedient to Jesus first!
What does He say on any subject?
John 16:33 33 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." NLT
John 8:31-32 31 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." NLT
2. Learn what Christ-like friendships look like
Prov 27:17 17 As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. NLT
James 5:19-20 My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God's truth, don't write them off. Go after them. Get them back 20 and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God. (The Message)
1 Thess 5:14-22 14 Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. 15 See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people. 16 Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.19 Do not stifle the Holy Spirit. 20 Do not scoff at prophecies, 21 but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. 22 Stay away from every kind of evil. NLT
Conclusion: Real growth happens when you examine your own heart first, choose companions who sharpen your character, and build relationships on God's design rather than past pain.
Relational freedom requires letting go of past trauma so you do not project old hurts onto new, healthy commitments.
Your closest inner circle directly shapes your character; walk with the wise to inherit spiritual maturity. Digital connections cannot replace the authentic accountability, vulnerability, and sanctification found in a real-world, Christ-centered family.
